Its in the air... or maybe the tree

In spite of being a big brother loving, mummy's boy... i do have other good traits and interests too... (Okay, that Big Brother thing is a lie, but every now and again we all need to feel good about our own lives)...

Last week under a cloud of as much dissapointment as this country can feel over the loss of a polly (With the exception, maybe, of John So) 'Bracksy' called it a day. Be it for family reasons or otherwise his resignation has left a gaping hole in the leadership of this state... and I, personally am sad to see him go...

Sure he didn't restore our public holidays, didn't reverse any of the pre-him Governments workings, however he has been about as long as i have been old enough to vote and from a distance (ie, wasn't really that interested in politics until quite recently) he served us well.

Plus, credit to any polly willing to wet-suit up, irrespective of their shape... our out of shapeness, whichever the case may be.

Oh well... Brumby I suspect will do some good work in the wake of Bracks... I'm pretty excited for the coming months... this man needs to make some good impressions... he does come with a small cloud of 'beazly'about him... time will tell.

love hate love hate love hate love hate

nothing more pathetic than a 25 year old man who spends an alarming amount of time with their mother.

enter... me.

she is insane, almost completely. but absolutely hilarious. oft more than not i am a prick, a 25 year old un-thankful prick. but from time to time she does things that makes me smile, and beam with pride... today is one of those days.

A woman who seemingly was born to 'be there' for everyone esle, is looking after herself... even now as she desperately clammers to see what's going on, on my laptop screen... she entertains me...

Now, i should really lern to tell her.

A book and its cover

whoops. Not too surprisingly i was very quick to judge a man simply because his traits don't sit right with what i deem 'right'. he wears his heart, beliefs, loves and femininity on his sleeve... and well, it's hot...

Big Brothers runner up, Zach, did a great job of being himself. Sometimes it made me cringe with dire concern for my people, but over the past day/s he was a pleasure to watch. His simple complications, passion for dressing and fascinating candid attitude really stuck a nerve.

He's gay, he's all gay, nothing but gay, so help im jesus... and he dun' care.

Whilst it doesn't fit me, to be as, well, as much as he is... i love it. for the first time in my life, i loved it. Thanks Zach!

I just might wear some make up tomorrow... Okay, maybe not.

not a boy... well, not yet a man

I am not admiring the breed or the way in which these will either make money or look rotating on a spit... merely admiring the cuteness.... check out the latest addition to my old mans flock...

These are odd coloured twins... some sort of genetic wrongness... but it's good... the boys aren't more than 24 hours old... good size for twins..

I'm such a fuckin' bogan.

what now?

This is a big week

I'm moving

I'll be 'back online' some time soon

I'm buying new posessions, i do enjoy doing same
I'm living out of a new burb

I'm selling my first ever brand new car (purchased october 05)

I'm starting a whole new living program (dont ask)

I am spending more and more time alone, something far too unfamiliar...

I am waving goodbye to more and more travelling friends

I seem to be only working 3 days, a shock to my unwaivering work ethic

I am typing a lot of stentences about I

and I am enjoying all of this :)
Hopefully post soon, likely from my new abode.

rancho relaxo

after what was a week of ups and downs and sideways and backways, it was nice to scape the racing rats and head coastal... to a little town past geebong to sit about, drink, be merry and do not much else... myself and a few friends spent the weekend enjoying dirnking games, grotesquely familiar toilet humour and disgustingly delicious and frightful food...

it was nice to take in some ocean air with some walks along beach and surrounding cliffs... to drive through some pretty pretty parts of this state and connect and expand with some friends ive known as long as anyone should know a friend...

i like boys now

I'd encourage each and every of you to check out the Simpsons movie... Idiotically and excitedly i saw the midnight screening when it opened to the punters and it was awesome... sure, i fell asleep in a few little parts... but it was midnight...

Anyway... the simpsons practically wrote my vocab and provided all move my american history knowledge (Alarming i know)...

It's very much like an M version of a normal episode and will have you mending your sides back together... i assure you

Big

the margin seems more indented tonight
mist has begun to arrive on the bay,
although the streets are clearthe feeling tonight,
the space and the feeling
feel like there should be thick fog lining the streets
fog that prevents seeing more than 2 feet ahead
music seems louder, or perhaps i am hearing more
inane noise seems more obtrusive and i think my heart is weakening
i dont feel strong tonight
i feel done and spent and i feel empty
i want nothing more to wake up - i used to want to wake up with someone
but when someone isnt what someone should be
or was in your head
then it changes to wanting to wake alone
wake up on a work day and lie in bed
the world expects your suit and tie but you present nothing
nothing but laying in bed,
all day,
all day until oprah
then bed.
bed presents headspace clarity.
well, not clarity
but bed means no more complications can be birthed
bed is comfortable and it is forgiving
and supportive although at times it can remind of feelings
feelings that are good and bad, when good becomes bad
and bad also inverts, that moment, that situation
that problem
i believe to be purgatory
its when it was so good and is so good
but its looked back on with sadness and pain
it's not over yet. it is over yet, but its not over yet.
there is more and less to do but its over
i mean, the blood stopped pumping months ago
it's on life support.
supported not by a comfortable bed
but my comfort. the comfort of laurels.
the comfort of being okay
or making it okay, which is what we do, its our conditioning.
make it okay, okay is what life is.
life is okay.
dreamers think there is more.
but dreamers dont have jobs.
dreamers are poor and dont life the life.
happiness is not worth the loss of income.
not today.
not with everything being so expensive.
i want to look back on big grocery bills, big bank statements
big things
and know i traded love in for big things.
perhaps a big love will change that, a roxette styled big love
with flowers and the plot line of a movie.
with mystery
and obvious workings from something we dont know or understand
universe, destiny, fate, karma, manifesting
a force
a secret
coincidences will be escalated to divine work
the knots will be there to begin. and then fade
flowers will continue sporadically
a big love is clear.
its fundamental
a big love will support debt and growth
but it will not dictate, the debt will not be the love
not a big love.
is everyone capable of a big love?
is everyone deserved of a big love?
big love
i'm not typing well tonight.
i feel like i want to throw my socks out the window
this room does not have a window
to think of a room without windows is to think of wartime
wartime darkness and despair
wartime heros and villains and players and killers
i am wearing clothes to bed
its cold
the streets are probably unclear by now
its not warm
its very cold
big cold.
tomorrow is work and tomorrow is phones and life
is this life hell
is hell the noose,
the designer noose i wear about my neck each day
is hell the meeting i'm late to or the antsy customer
this could be hell.
big hell.
it would be my idea of hell.
this life.
without the love.
the big love.
the little loves.
the lusts.
the wanting time over again.
the forces.
that would be hell. this life.
without the sweet things.
the drives.
the conversations.
the actions.
typing, i like typing.
streaming.
typing.
i've emptied out my words. but i feel fuller.
my eyelids are heavy.
heavy that would indicate this day is done.
one more day.
done.
a happy day of confusion.
and no big love.
a fun day of freidns and indulgance
too much perhaps
today is done.
not many minutes left.
but i like each one of them
like all the ones already gone.
morning will be here very soon.
and traffic. and phones and emails.
he will email. i will like it.
a distraction.
the flaw in my perfectly planned work day.
a flaw.
goodnight.

next lady friend

I had forgotten about just how delightful one particular man is... and then today, through tired eyes i re-engaged with mr Jnr. Well, Mr Prinze Junior....

I think we should date sometime.

sore head

never, ever drinking again... reasons;

- I've woken up sore

- Drunken phone calls

- Stupidity

- the mcdonalds gorging in the morning

never, ever again.

-

No regrets..

The other night I saw Le Vie En Rose... I'm always fascinated by movies not made for me to understand... ie subtitles... and this film was without exception...

Easy movie to watch, I mean her story is well and truly worthy of the big screen but it was after the movie it crept up and kicked me in the side... The part was exceptionally played... the singing (although miming) was extraordinary...

I don't see movies often (attention span falls well short) but i'd encourage anyone to check this one out.

All these things that I have done...

I feel like I have been from one point of the state to another this week, well i guess i have... From Benders to Bairnsdale... In excess of 2000 k's and i'm pretty chuffed to be chained to my desk next week...

At least Benders was for a cause, I saw Missy Higgins and Kater Miller-Heidke (Or something like that) at possibly the coldest venue in the world... but it was fun, and although this was my 3rd Missy experience (seriously not a stalker) it was pretty damn good... I'm afraid my technology isn't up to speed but check out my cell-phone snap... be careful, the quality is so good you may be astounded...

Most boring blog ever

Money. Tax time is fun for me (I think it's because i dont have a HECS debt... thank you mum and dad) and i do feel for those who have to give it all up but there is something overwhelmingly exciting about a cash injection in the old bank account... sure it's destination is pre-planned and only a little bit will be used for fun...

But I love, love, love taxtime.

Anyway...

Enough chatter... tax to do...

the tales of new

So, as with other things, this blog and i are going to take some steps to be closer over the coming weeks and months... step one will be getting the internet at where i live...

That should hopefully be soon...

The next is going to be using my digital camera a little more and sharing more of what i see and do daily... maybe it will be more interesting to other people..!!! Kidding!

Anyway, i now sign off for what is likely to be another couple of days... Its a fun time to think of relationships as anew... a time for change and a time for sucking and see... here is to.... relationships... of all colours, shapes and dynamics.

Oh... i forgot...

Today is a Tiffany's day...

:)

I love Tiffany Days.

Sunday.

Just when i thought Sundays couldnt get any better...

there is today.

A day of family, sunshine, faith and friends. Today is one of the best Sundays of my life.

Little kids, babies, remind us of the awesomely important things... Being happy, crying when we don't get what we want... reaching as much as possible for what we want.... being alive.

Without care of expectation nor regard for anything, really.

:) It's beautiful. Today was the perfect celebration of just that.

Thanks.

What are you doing????

I am moving into a new house, one with internet and a little bit of privacy!

Yee ha!




I am travelling all 4 points of this state over the coming couple of days... Cannot wait - Any ideas of wonderful things to see????






And tomorrow, so scarily, i am going to become a Godfather :) Welcoming myself back to catholocism i dumped so many years ago :)

It's a well and truly worth cause.....

Hopefully i'll be on more soon :)

you can't fool me i saw you when you came out

I have always wanted to be a parent. whatever that means. but it's something that for reasons obvious and not, is completely not attainable for me. the least of which reasons being my near insanity :)

But, when those close to me began thier lives as parents - it's easy to see what a blessing it can be, what a gift and all those other wonderful terms. To hold a whole person in your arms, they being completely dependant.

I guess, even tho i'm 25, i've never been around a 'baby' before... well at least not until 6 months ago :)

But it's something i enjoy probably above most other things, probably more than i enjoy complete isolation :)

Today was a big old day of babies, laughing, crying, shatting themselves - and me thinking how perfect the whole thing is.

I must admit i enjoyed handing the little tackers back... :)

Anyway - now to get back to my shiny life with no promise of offspring... and no expectation for that matter.

100 round the bends

The fog is going to make it semi-impossible to get home tonight. my eyes are going to make it equally as challenging. 4am bedtimes seem like such a good idea at the time.

I think i am likely to sleep in tomorrow morning. tomorrow morning a day of peak change and excitement. i am looking forward to tomororw.

tomorrow will result in step 21 toward new. tomorrow will be warm in some ways it will be windy and my hair will feel swept. tomorrow is going to result in my phone ringing a lot and my words being unheard.

but someone else will hear them and not be happy, i'll be callous about something semi important and i'll fly under the radar when i don't want to.

he will be there, sitting in the same chair as he has done before. he will taunt me with his sweet shirt wearing ability.

she, i dont know who, will give me greif down the phone for a term or condition she didnt read and my laptop will remark unexplained noises.

tomorrow is going to be fun, now to get home to give way to tomorrow.

out .

UPDATE... Albeit quick

Awesome! SATC movie is on it's way... I'll be sure and wear a new suit when i see it...


I have had a 'thing' for this chap as long as i have had a thing for chaps.... It's nice to see someone as white as me out and about!



And i didnt spend much time watching Heros... perhaps i should :)

A long time gone

It's funny, living a life 'offline' has got me in touch with aspects of life i had neglected... which is nice.

But ive countless blog updates to read, emails to read and send and gossip pages to renew my affair with....

with a new house, and internet connection just around the bend... i'll be back online soon... hopefully...

Sundayness

Today is Sunday. I love Sundays.

Today was a lie in. a beautiful sweat session. a day with family. an afternoon of interesting smells and sounds. an evening of pure and love :) Today is a good day.

I love Sunday.