My house, my role
My friends, my man
My devotion to God
All amorphous, indefinit
Nothing's been clear
Nothing's been in
Nothing's felt true
And I've never had both feet in
Nothing's belonged
Nothing's been 'yes'
Nowhere's been home
And I'm ready to be limbo no more
My taste, my peers
My identity
My affiliation
All amorphous, indefinit
Nothing's been clear
Nothing's been in
Nothing's felt true
And I've never had both feet in
Nothing's belonged
Nothing's been 'yes'
Nowhere's been home
And I'm ready to be limbo no more
I sit with filled frames
And my books and my dogs at my feet
My friends by my side
My past in a heap
Thrown out most of my things
Only kept what I need to carve
Something consistent
And notably me
Tattoo on my skin
My teacher's in heart
My house is a home
Something at last I can feel a part of
A sense of myself
My purpose is clear
My roots in the ground
Something at last I can feel a part of
Something aligned
To finally commit
Somewhere I belong
'Cause I'm ready to be limbo no more
My wisdom applied
A firm foundation
A vow to myself
'Cause I'm ready to be limbo no more
Alanis Morissette
Limbo No More
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
tell me he did not just do that...
nothing like the class of talking about someone to a caller, when that person is sitting in the next room.
nothing like lowering ones voice, referring to me as 'that other person' then realising how foul the behaviour is... and backward steps and trying to reverse the conversation...
well my friend, when your world next falls down - when next you're alone - when next you percieve the world is done with you - I, as usual, expect my phone to ring. and you can expect me to answer. and be there. i dont know how to do much else.
I will tell you how brilliant you are, in spite of how you treat me - how you attempt to break me - attempt to get to me. in or out of partnership you 'win'. it's inherent - you have to... its who you are. i am not a winner. not like that.
SO know, that in spite of your best attempts, to put me off side, to break my stride and to ruin me or what we've had or even do have... aren't going to work. You will need me one day, like you did on Monday. and you'll be thankful for me. As i am of you. each day.
you'll always mean a lot to me...even if i do not in kind... and that, my friend, is honestly okay.
I, thankfully, have me.
Cheers
nothing like lowering ones voice, referring to me as 'that other person' then realising how foul the behaviour is... and backward steps and trying to reverse the conversation...
well my friend, when your world next falls down - when next you're alone - when next you percieve the world is done with you - I, as usual, expect my phone to ring. and you can expect me to answer. and be there. i dont know how to do much else.
I will tell you how brilliant you are, in spite of how you treat me - how you attempt to break me - attempt to get to me. in or out of partnership you 'win'. it's inherent - you have to... its who you are. i am not a winner. not like that.
SO know, that in spite of your best attempts, to put me off side, to break my stride and to ruin me or what we've had or even do have... aren't going to work. You will need me one day, like you did on Monday. and you'll be thankful for me. As i am of you. each day.
you'll always mean a lot to me...even if i do not in kind... and that, my friend, is honestly okay.
I, thankfully, have me.
Cheers
Sunday, June 1, 2008
every exploring... every expanding
One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived and I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends
One day I'll be at peace
I’ll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt
One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
One day, my mind will retreat, and I'll know god and I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure, like the women I see on their 30th anniversaries
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done
One day, I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and whole
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
I'll be arrived and I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends
One day I'll be at peace
I’ll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt
One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
One day, my mind will retreat, and I'll know god and I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure, like the women I see on their 30th anniversaries
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done
One day, I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and whole
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
Thursday, May 22, 2008
havent seen each other for a while, a few moments of discomfort have come and gone... old times ring about our heads and the sense of ahhhh this is familiar is obvious... neither knowing how we've changed....
singing to the radio...
me: apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur
you and me: the whole club was looking at her
knowing nod
you and me: she hit the floor, next thing you know
shorty got low, low, low, low, low......
silence
singing to the radio...
me: apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur
you and me: the whole club was looking at her
knowing nod
you and me: she hit the floor, next thing you know
shorty got low, low, low, low, low......
silence
just pretend i didnt tear your world apart
I was quiet as a mouse
when i snuck into your house
and took roofies with your spouse
in a nit and out a louse
lice are lousy all the time
they suck your blood drink your wine
say shut up and quit your crying
give it time and you'll be fine
you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
i'll tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart
i like boys with strong convictions
and convicts with perfect diction
underdogs with good intentions
amputees with stamp collections
plywood skinboards ride the ocean
salty noses suntan lotion
always seriously joking
and rambunctiously soft-spoken
i like boys that like their mothers
and i have a thing for brothers
but they always wait til we're under the covers
to say i'm sure glad we're not lovers
you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
i'll tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart
i like my new bunnysuit
i like my new bunnysuit
i like my new bunnysuit
when i wear it i feel cute
when i snuck into your house
and took roofies with your spouse
in a nit and out a louse
lice are lousy all the time
they suck your blood drink your wine
say shut up and quit your crying
give it time and you'll be fine
you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
i'll tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart
i like boys with strong convictions
and convicts with perfect diction
underdogs with good intentions
amputees with stamp collections
plywood skinboards ride the ocean
salty noses suntan lotion
always seriously joking
and rambunctiously soft-spoken
i like boys that like their mothers
and i have a thing for brothers
but they always wait til we're under the covers
to say i'm sure glad we're not lovers
you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
i'll tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart
i like my new bunnysuit
i like my new bunnysuit
i like my new bunnysuit
when i wear it i feel cute
Monday, May 19, 2008
Peace time.
sometimes it takes time spent with a (much) loved one, to highlight how differently we all take the world in... process it... and spit it back out.
how tall our tales can be, how exquisite our recounts of events passed are measures of the man - and, well... how far from the truth we have to stretch to make our stories sound interesting enough...
Whilst this is feeling judgemental.. it is not, merely, oberservant. Our views, collide in the space between us and land back with a sense of okayness and non-judgement... i guess thats what friends... best friends... do. Entertain us. be it bitter, embelished or just fucking made up - we listen, we shake our fists in anger and offer pseudo-support... because thats what needs to be heard.
ME: To life not being perfect!
You: To life not being perfect!
Us: Cheers
how tall our tales can be, how exquisite our recounts of events passed are measures of the man - and, well... how far from the truth we have to stretch to make our stories sound interesting enough...
Whilst this is feeling judgemental.. it is not, merely, oberservant. Our views, collide in the space between us and land back with a sense of okayness and non-judgement... i guess thats what friends... best friends... do. Entertain us. be it bitter, embelished or just fucking made up - we listen, we shake our fists in anger and offer pseudo-support... because thats what needs to be heard.
ME: To life not being perfect!
You: To life not being perfect!
Us: Cheers
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
GO LIFE!!!
Today was an awesome day. My days are full, entirely, without 2 minutes of 'downtime' from 730am to 9pm... without 2 minutes...
Of course there was alone time to sing-a-long with the radio (Valerie) and there is time to engage in non-work conversation, with a work collegue, there was time to exchange emails with friends close and closer but there was no 'what to do with my time' time... i'm a big fan of that time... but now, as it approaches 10pm...
here is bed. like a beacon of peace, singularity and aloneness... but how nice it would be to be warm in bed... with him...!
all in good time my pretty.....
the day winds up, and i'm winding down and overall things feel balanced. my abode as tho bombed, yet my work as tho blessed by organisation... balanced....
things will be clean balanced follwoing the days approach... (Yes, me romanticising procrastination... i'm all about that)
with that. go team.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Me. Right Now.
So leave your taxi waiting
And turn and close my door
And sit back down where you were sitting
A little closer than before
When you look that serious
It just makes me want you more
And I've been needing to tell you
The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get, the better I feel
And yes I know you're nervous
Never seen you so unsure
You haven't touched your food tonight
And you're drinking more and more
And there's no need to hurry
Taking time I'll still be here
And I've been needing to tell you
The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
better I feel
The closer you get, better you see
The closer you are, more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get, better I feel
Better I feel
We've been circling for time baby
We're coming down to land tonight
The wait is over and now it's easy
Everything is fine
The closer you get, better I feel
The closer you are, more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around, better I feel
The closer you get, better you see
The closer you are, more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get
Better I feel
And turn and close my door
And sit back down where you were sitting
A little closer than before
When you look that serious
It just makes me want you more
And I've been needing to tell you
The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get, the better I feel
And yes I know you're nervous
Never seen you so unsure
You haven't touched your food tonight
And you're drinking more and more
And there's no need to hurry
Taking time I'll still be here
And I've been needing to tell you
The closer you get, the better I feel
The closer you are, the more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
better I feel
The closer you get, better you see
The closer you are, more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get, better I feel
Better I feel
We've been circling for time baby
We're coming down to land tonight
The wait is over and now it's easy
Everything is fine
The closer you get, better I feel
The closer you are, more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around, better I feel
The closer you get, better you see
The closer you are, more I see
Why everyone says that I look happier
When you're around
The closer you get
Better I feel
Monday, April 28, 2008
Easy. Easy. Fuck I wish it was easy.
So, I am not one to cry foul - I'm sure deep down the world owes nobody anything compared to what it owes to me - I mean, my youth was ruined, my body is scarred, my outlook is generally upbeat, i'm surrounded by crazy kids i get to call my friends and i really do have too much money for one person my age. It's simple.
BUT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE EASY!
How dare i get up in the morning, trollop off to work and do not a hell of a lot compared to a lot of people. How dare i have downtime whilst neglecting certain tasks that have been around for years. How dare i enjoy uni study at night and yoga on mondays and gym time and friends time. and how dare i not enjoy it?
i mean - how dare i enjoy it?
Don't look at me like, it's 10.26pm and there is a part of me that wishes it wasnt this time, in fact it wishes it wasn't anytime. Safe to say, there is a part of me that wishes i wasnt here. but i dont know where i want to be. Someone just stood on the cat, i remember when that would have been plain funny. now its confused funny, because i love the cat so.
Again - something else that isn't easy. Laughing at cats in pain should be easy.
Stupid love. I mean, what, what is it good for? I dont know how to finish it. but one thing is for sure - IT AINT FUCKING EASY. Love for family, friends, partners - mother fucking not easy. Annoying. People are shithouse, lets be honest. I am shithouse and i am a person. so it makes sense to generalise. There are so many people that i wish i was. So many shiney, happy people... I just want to put them all in a massive pot and cook them up.
have a shiney happy soup. for dinner. every night. fountain of youth and glamour. I'd be happy to be ugly then - no pot for me!! pot. thats funny.
my mind is running too fast, so hilariously fast i want to kick someone in the nuts. someone else almost as much as i want to kick me in the nuts! imagine how much complaining i could do if my tackle was all ruined! HILARIOUS!
Done. Sold. time to go sleep in my entirely comfortable and warm bed.
Fuck, i wish things were easy.
BUT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE EASY!
How dare i get up in the morning, trollop off to work and do not a hell of a lot compared to a lot of people. How dare i have downtime whilst neglecting certain tasks that have been around for years. How dare i enjoy uni study at night and yoga on mondays and gym time and friends time. and how dare i not enjoy it?
i mean - how dare i enjoy it?
Don't look at me like, it's 10.26pm and there is a part of me that wishes it wasnt this time, in fact it wishes it wasn't anytime. Safe to say, there is a part of me that wishes i wasnt here. but i dont know where i want to be. Someone just stood on the cat, i remember when that would have been plain funny. now its confused funny, because i love the cat so.
Again - something else that isn't easy. Laughing at cats in pain should be easy.
Stupid love. I mean, what, what is it good for? I dont know how to finish it. but one thing is for sure - IT AINT FUCKING EASY. Love for family, friends, partners - mother fucking not easy. Annoying. People are shithouse, lets be honest. I am shithouse and i am a person. so it makes sense to generalise. There are so many people that i wish i was. So many shiney, happy people... I just want to put them all in a massive pot and cook them up.
have a shiney happy soup. for dinner. every night. fountain of youth and glamour. I'd be happy to be ugly then - no pot for me!! pot. thats funny.
my mind is running too fast, so hilariously fast i want to kick someone in the nuts. someone else almost as much as i want to kick me in the nuts! imagine how much complaining i could do if my tackle was all ruined! HILARIOUS!
Done. Sold. time to go sleep in my entirely comfortable and warm bed.
Fuck, i wish things were easy.
Odd. Fuck me, it was odd.
her: so i think i'll be divorced by the time i get back to work tomorrow.
me: ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
her: i mean it, on the weekend he spent three hundred dollars on god knows what.
me: ha, ha, ha, ha.
her: then, i ask him what's for dinner - while i'm at work, and he's at home - and he asks me 'what are you cooking'? Well you know what... Fuck him!
me: ha, ha, ha.
her: I'm going to finish this report - i dont want to go home.
me: ha, ha. oh.
her: i mean, for fuck sake! FOR FUCKS SAKE!
me: oh. i have to get to yoga.
her: maybe i should come to go yoga.
me: do they do it out where you live?
dissapointed ponder.
me: see you in the morning!
me: ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
her: i mean it, on the weekend he spent three hundred dollars on god knows what.
me: ha, ha, ha, ha.
her: then, i ask him what's for dinner - while i'm at work, and he's at home - and he asks me 'what are you cooking'? Well you know what... Fuck him!
me: ha, ha, ha.
her: I'm going to finish this report - i dont want to go home.
me: ha, ha. oh.
her: i mean, for fuck sake! FOR FUCKS SAKE!
me: oh. i have to get to yoga.
her: maybe i should come to go yoga.
me: do they do it out where you live?
dissapointed ponder.
me: see you in the morning!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
me time. you time. down time. blog time.
I have totally not been blogging forever...
But it's fun. And I miss the disgusting amount of self-loving it induces... Hilarious.
This will likely be the last one for 5 months... but i'll chuckle hard when i check back in...
Spuds!
But it's fun. And I miss the disgusting amount of self-loving it induces... Hilarious.
This will likely be the last one for 5 months... but i'll chuckle hard when i check back in...
Spuds!
From outer space...
Dinner with a guy I have met only once before, my pub, his shout, no music.
me: totally time to get into shape.
guy: yeah?
me: yeah, i'm tired of my jeans looking painted on... i'm going to use you as inspiration... i hope that's okay... you look great.
guy: maybe so, but you got the face
me: what the fuck do you mean by that
me: oh
silence
me: ohhh
me: ohhhh okay
me: thanks
me: i'll get the beer
me: totally time to get into shape.
guy: yeah?
me: yeah, i'm tired of my jeans looking painted on... i'm going to use you as inspiration... i hope that's okay... you look great.
guy: maybe so, but you got the face
me: what the fuck do you mean by that
me: oh
silence
me: ohhh
me: ohhhh okay
me: thanks
me: i'll get the beer
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