me. right now.

My house, my role
My friends, my man
My devotion to God
All amorphous, indefinit

Nothing's been clear
Nothing's been in
Nothing's felt true
And I've never had both feet in
Nothing's belonged
Nothing's been 'yes'
Nowhere's been home
And I'm ready to be limbo no more

My taste, my peers
My identity
My affiliation
All amorphous, indefinit

Nothing's been clear
Nothing's been in
Nothing's felt true
And I've never had both feet in
Nothing's belonged
Nothing's been 'yes'
Nowhere's been home
And I'm ready to be limbo no more

I sit with filled frames
And my books and my dogs at my feet
My friends by my side
My past in a heap
Thrown out most of my things
Only kept what I need to carve
Something consistent
And notably me

Tattoo on my skin
My teacher's in heart
My house is a home
Something at last I can feel a part of
A sense of myself
My purpose is clear
My roots in the ground
Something at last I can feel a part of

Something aligned
To finally commit
Somewhere I belong
'Cause I'm ready to be limbo no more
My wisdom applied
A firm foundation
A vow to myself
'Cause I'm ready to be limbo no more

Alanis Morissette
Limbo No More

because...

there is nothing like a man with awesome nuts to make it all seem better...

tell me he did not just do that...

nothing like the class of talking about someone to a caller, when that person is sitting in the next room.

nothing like lowering ones voice, referring to me as 'that other person' then realising how foul the behaviour is... and backward steps and trying to reverse the conversation...

well my friend, when your world next falls down - when next you're alone - when next you percieve the world is done with you - I, as usual, expect my phone to ring. and you can expect me to answer. and be there. i dont know how to do much else.

I will tell you how brilliant you are, in spite of how you treat me - how you attempt to break me - attempt to get to me. in or out of partnership you 'win'. it's inherent - you have to... its who you are. i am not a winner. not like that.

SO know, that in spite of your best attempts, to put me off side, to break my stride and to ruin me or what we've had or even do have... aren't going to work. You will need me one day, like you did on Monday. and you'll be thankful for me. As i am of you. each day.

you'll always mean a lot to me...even if i do not in kind... and that, my friend, is honestly okay.

I, thankfully, have me.

Cheers

every exploring... every expanding

One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived and I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends

One day I'll be at peace
I’ll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt

One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

One day, my mind will retreat, and I'll know god and I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure, like the women I see on their 30th anniversaries

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done

One day, I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and whole

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

havent seen each other for a while, a few moments of discomfort have come and gone... old times ring about our heads and the sense of ahhhh this is familiar is obvious... neither knowing how we've changed....

singing to the radio...

me: apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur
you and me: the whole club was looking at her

knowing nod

you and me: she hit the floor, next thing you know
shorty got low, low, low, low, low......

silence

just pretend i didnt tear your world apart

I was quiet as a mouse
when i snuck into your house
and took roofies with your spouse
in a nit and out a louse
lice are lousy all the time
they suck your blood drink your wine
say shut up and quit your crying
give it time and you'll be fine

you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
i'll tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart

i like boys with strong convictions
and convicts with perfect diction
underdogs with good intentions
amputees with stamp collections
plywood skinboards ride the ocean
salty noses suntan lotion
always seriously joking
and rambunctiously soft-spoken
i like boys that like their mothers
and i have a thing for brothers
but they always wait til we're under the covers
to say i'm sure glad we're not lovers

you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
i'll tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart

i like my new bunnysuit
i like my new bunnysuit
i like my new bunnysuit
when i wear it i feel cute

If you're reading....